elroy head dot com blog: The Guide

The Guide - Graduation

Published Monday, May 09, 2005 by Mike A. | E-mail this post

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a wholly remarkable book, has this to say on the subject of Graduation.

Graduation, it explains, is a custom which is practiced in only a small number of planets, particularly due to the usually-excessive nature of the presents which are amassed by friends and family.

For example, the Drabain people from the fifth planet of the Vraxis star system had, at one time, instituted a ritual which was not entirely unlike that of Graduation. At the end of a Drabainian's childhood, it had been said, each family member was required (by law) to donate an entire herd of the third-most vicious creature in all existence: the Vraxite Housefly. Many eons and lost lives later, the Drabain people eventually gave up Graduations altogether as a sign of moving on, instead replacing them with Vraxite Housefly Hunting Sessions.

Unfortunately, it is currently unknown where the concept of Graduation actually originated, yet most cynics tend to point the finger at greeting card companies.

To survive Graduation, the Guide offers a few words of advice.

1. Dress comfortably.

2. Take several deep breaths.

3. Be sure to wear Vraxite Housefly Repellant.

4. Try not to fall down.

5. Don't panic.

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